Giving a voice to Miss Independent

Let me tell you about this Miss Independent…

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She works herself to the bone everyday just so when she gets home, all she does is throw herself on the couch and probably catch the news then hit the sack. She is constantly working, just so she cannot be reminded of how lonely she is. This Miss Independent, who will soon become Mrs. Independent because clearly no man will ever marry her, due to the callus she’s built around her heart. Miss Independent has everything she needs (money, house, car). But is it really all that she needs? “No human being is an island”, they say. Quite aware of this, she decides to shun it away nonetheless.

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Miss Independent, soon to be Mrs, fairly gives a guy she thinks is worthy a chance. But because this guy thinks she is impossible, and because he thinks Miss Independent doesn’t need a man since she is a man herself; he doesn’t treat her the way she ought to be treated. This man thinks Miss Independent doesn’t respect him, feels she doesn’t need him because she does everything herself anyway. He doesn’t see why he should be there for her; in the process not realizing that relationships aren’t just about materialistic things. That’s where he gets it wrong.

He says to her “by the time I’m done with you, you will be a real woman”. Such a comment would throw anyone aback. Filled with gnawing doubts, she retaliates – “Wait a minute, no-one will change me”. This relationship is doomed from the outset, clearly its become a war, everyone proving their strength. When he realizes it’s impossible to change this woman; indignant, he administers a plan to bring her down. He makes sure he hurts her and leaves her humiliated. Does it work? Of course it does, she loved this man. Yes she is independent, but like any other, she is human and will go through all the stages of mending a broken heart. Feeling dejected, she picks up the pieces all by herself, and because everyone knows her to be STRONG, they tell her “you will get over this soon, you are a strong person”. Having to live up to society’s perception of her, she neglects her emotion, she neglects the healing process, lifts her chin up and forges ahead. Because she did not heal well enough, this will come back to haunt her. Sublimely unaware of all the damage this might cause her, she pushes on through.

She automatically shields herself, promising herself that such will never happen again. She gives another man a chance, he is dealing with his own demons, and so is she. “This won’t work again”, she thinks to herself. Blind date, she’s been to many; social networks, she’s tried it all. “You need to let your guard down and lower your standards a bit”, her friends tell her. She lowers them so much that she ends up dusting herself off in shame. Finally, oh finally she meets someone who earns more than she does, probably not as educated as she is, but his position at work is enough to let him have the upper hand in the relationship. But wait, of course there’s something wrong with this one. Every woman wants him, and he’s so used to women bowing down to him, Miss Independent has to do the same in order to ensure that this relationship prospers. How does she even begin to “un-learn” such? She’s so used to getting everything herself, she never has to ask anyone for anything. Does she have to change all that now? Maybe if he realizes that she’s not after his money he will respect her enough. I mean clearly his past relationships didn’t work for this very reason. He takes charge, she dubs him “SuperMan”. She likes that about him; it’s about damn time a guy had the upper hand. She inevitably falls in love with him. In all of this, she is still Miss Independent. There’s no way she is going to change any of this; however, she is flexible. All seems well, although she’s never asked him for anything. “Should I? No, everything is going so well, I wouldn’t want to spoil things now”. This man is so used to being put on the pedestal, having to stroke his ego every second of every day. This is becoming too much for her. She retaliates, he does the same. They get into an argument, none is willing to let go of their pride… Once again, she is told that she is a man and will never find happiness in any relationship.

They call her a feminist – a term that seems to be accompanied by many negative connotations. “Maybe I should just focus on my work and take a break from this dating business”. Little does she know that in all of this, she is making herself even more daunting, she is building an even thicker callus.

Because she can do everything for herself, she feels her man needs to prove his worth.

Little do they know that she’s a woman, and like any other woman, she needs love. She actually may be more vulnerable than your “ordinary” woman. Miss Independent is of course financially independent, but she deserves love, she wants for once to be taken out on a romantic date. That bag she loves so much – and can probably afford to get herself – she’d like it if her man got it for her. She wants to be reminded of how precious and valued she is. Like any other woman, she’d like to know that she belongs…

Dear men, Miss Independent doesn’t like this title which suddenly deems her evil. She is a woman first, she needs her beauty embraced, she wants her emotions to be taken into consideration and she doesn’t want to have it together all the time. Just for once, can someone be strong for her. This Miss Independent is human, she’s no island, and if you can just be comfortable in your own skin as a man, let her play her role, and not let her attempt at making you happy be a threat to your manhood; you will soon realize how harmless she is. This woman, like any other, needs nurturing, she wants you to fix her flat tyre – even though she can do it herself, she wants you to fix her leaking tap, she wants you to assemble her braai stand for her… She is a woman, not a threat. Love her!

When you finally become cognisance to the fact that money alone doesn’t warrant the success of a relationship, call her.

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